Have you ever just stood there while your child is screaming, unsure of what to do? For many families, learning to deal with challenging behaviors comes with a significant amount of stress.  It can be easier at times to just give in to the behavior instead of actually dealing with it.  

One of the hard parts is to remember that challenging behavior is occurring for a reason.  A child is not doing this just to be mean, but rather because they want something or have learned that they can get something by acting this way.  This may be attention, a new toy, or even getting out of a task or situation they do not want to be in.  Some children, especially those on the autism spectrum, may also engage in this behavior for sensory stimulation.  While truly identifying the purpose of a challenging behavior and creating a plan for reducing it should be done by a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA), there are things every parent can do to help reduce the incidence of some challenging behavior.  

1) Creating a plan/preparing your child for what is next

How would you react if you had to go to a conference for work and no one told you where to go, the schedule, when it would end, if you would get a lunch break or not, or how many days you would be there, etc.?  If you are anything like me, all of the uncertainty would make it challenging to even focus on the conference.  It wouldn’t be a pleasant experience.

As adults, we tend to either have schedules explicitly told to us, or we create them as we go.  We know the schedule so well in our minds that we don’t always remember to express it.  By not communicating the schedule, children can feel stressed and overwhelmed when they do not know what is going to happen next.  This can set the stage for challenging behavior to occur, as your child may be so focused on the uncertainties of the day that using appropriate behavior is not at the forefront of their mind. 

 A way to help alleviate this is by providing your child with the schedule for the day.  If your child is older and able to keep track of time, this may be through words.  If your child is younger or still struggles with the concept of time, you may want to provide them a schedule through written words or pictures.  This provides them a way to anticipate and prepare for what is coming next.  It also reduces the  internal effort to progress through the day, leaving more room for remembering those appropriate behaviors!

2) Providing Choices

Take a moment and try to imagine your day without having any choices to make.  You don’t get to decide what you want for lunch, which way to drive to work, what clothes you put on, etc.  While we often feel bombarded with choices, it is hard to imagine not having them.  If all our choices are taken away, it may be hard to feel comfortable in knowing our own power and control.  Children can feel the same way.  By providing choices, they now have a say and are able to communicate in a positive way rather than engaging in challenging behavior.  

While it may seem simple, the art of providing choices can take some time to perfect.  Remember to follow through with whichever choice your child makes, so do not provide an option you won’t follow through with!  Practice in simple ways, such as by choosing which fruit goes in their lunch.  Allow them to respond in whichever way they are able - pointing, touching, stating, etc.  The important part is to remember to allow them to choose, not assume you know the answer.

3) Changing the schedule around

Have you ever had a day at work where your boss says, “just finish up your work and then you can take the rest of the day?” Even if you haven’t, it sounds pretty nice, right?  It would be much more challenging if he said, “take a few hours off this afternoon but then come finish your work after hours tonight.”  This is just one example where the order in which we do things can impact our attitude towards it.

Another strategy is to simply alter the schedule when able.  Maybe your child

hates homework time, but loves doing arts and crafts.  Instead of doing arts and crafts first and expecting them to stop doing something they love and start doing something they hate, try switching it around.  This allows them to work towards an activity they love, providing positive reinforcement for completing their homework. It also makes ending arts and crafts less miserable as they don’t have to stop having fun to go do some homework!

4) Prompting/Offering Assistance

It is important to remember that all of us have good days and bad days.  For most of us, it can be more challenging to complete a task on a bad day than a good one.  Children are the same way.  Just because they can do something one day, it doesn’t mean they can’t do it the next.  Take inventory of their day and recognize times that they may need some extra assistance.  This does not mean you have to complete every task for them.  It does mean, however, that it is okay to provide a helping hand so that the task is a bit easier to accomplish.  

5) Catch them being good!

It is very easy for all of us to relish in the times our children are behaving.  This is often when parents take the much needed break to just take a deep breath.  Behaviorally, though, this may be teaching a child that behaving is what I do when I want to be alone and misbehaving is what I do when I want some attention.  By recognizing the moments they are good and providing extra attention and reinforcement, you can help to shape their behavior and teach them that all they have to do to get your much desired attention is behave!

While these strategies may not get rid of all of the challenging behavior a child engages in, they can be helpful solutions for decreasing the likelihood that the behavior will occur. Even the easiest solutions take some pre-planning, so try one solution at a time and ease into it. If you have concerns about the extreme levels of your child’s challenging behavior or want to learn more about determining the function of the behavior through ABA, read here to learn more!